Desperately Seeking Perfection

By November 23, 2010 faith, language No Comments

You may have noticed postings have been sparse around here lately.

I’ve had the joy of being swamped and a wee bit stressed over several large projects over the past two months for great clients: Spread Truth, Zdi, and Charasia. I have truly loved my work. (There’s just been a lot of it!)

Whether you’ve missed me and my ramblings or not, I’ve missed hanging out here. I now feel like a stranger in my own land; I’m unsure what to say and how to do this.

Honesty has been the refrain as I ponder what to say about the past weeks. My poem from last week is a primer. I’ve needed Jesus to hold me together. How grateful I am for the truth that “in Him all things hold together” (Col. 1:17).

All the deadlines have kept me jumping with little time for rest and relaxation, which pushes me very close to internal deflation. Foggy of eye and mind, I’m hyper-aware of my failures, both perceived and real. (Yes, I’ve been fun to live with. Kudos to my hubby for loving me well!)

As I have faced my inadequacies, with my internal motor running at Mach speed, the desire to control something (anything!) was the quick fix I reached for.

The Lord was gentle in correcting me in my flimsy solution. Deep upon the waters of the soul, His whisper came on the waves, prompting me to step back from my quick fix.

Breaking on the crest of these waves of deadlines is the truth that a life lived in faith is not equivalent to a life that’s packaged and tidy. Faith is alive when I recognize my need for all Jesus is. My neediness—my lack of perfection—is where my life and Jesus meet. There in the crossroads imperfection is overcome by the perfect, glorious, compassionate Christ.

And there at the crossroads, the Lord whispered a haunting question:

Are you seeking your own perfection or are you seeking to lift up Mine?

ouch. My spirit winced at the heart-mirror before me.

I had unknowingly lived with the goal of maturing out of my neediness and growing into some spiritual state of perfection. But that’s all upside down and backward. The goal is to lift high the perfection of Christ Jesus, who has come to reconcile imperfect man with the one and only perfect God.

So I’ve been busy lately. And in my imperfection I’ve responded wrongly here and there. But it’s not really about me. It’s about all that Jesus is. It’s about falling to my knees before His provision for my need. It’s about leaning into Him and learning how to live by faith in all that He is.

And He is enough, even when I’m not.

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